All By Myself!
by TracyLeeT
Summary: When young Hoss is feeling the world's against him, someone's there to help.


**All By Myself!**

Hoss was hungry, tired, and sore, and when Buck nuzzled lightly against his shoulder, it was all he could do to remain standing.

"Dadburnit, Buck," Hoss cried, "it ain't bad enough that I gotta do all my reg'lar chores from mornin' ta night, and then muck out the stalls, _by myself_, fer the whole dadblamed month, but now I gotta put up with you tryin' ta knock me on my . . ."

"On your what?" Adam asked softly.

Hoss flinched at the unexpected, familiar voice.

Leaning heavily against the barn door's frame, Adam folded his arms, tucked his hands beneath his armpits, and crossed his legs at the ankles. A brief smile washed over Adam's face at the sight of a young boy's chubby fingers grasping the front edge of the stall. He swallowed a chuckle when the top of a frizzy-haired head slid forward and a pair of Tahoe-blue eyes peeked between the fingers.

Hoss slipped from behind the grayed, wooden partition and smiled up at his older brother. "I wasn't gonna say whatchoo was thinkin' I was gonna say, Adam!"

Adam's eyes twinkled. "Oh, and what do you think I thought you were going to say?"

"That Buck tried ta knock me on my a . . . HEY! That ain't playin' fair!"

Adam scratched the side of his neck and sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. That wasn't fair. But you _do_ remember why it is that you have to muck the stalls, by yourself, for the whole dadblamed month, don't you?"

"Geez, Adam!" Hoss whined, scuffing his left foot as he kicked at the hay on the floor of the barn. "How long was you _standin'_ there?" Quickly, the thought of turning the tables on his bossy, older brother strengthened Hoss's resolve. "Pa wouldn't like it none if he knowed you was evedroppin'!"

Wise to his brother's attempt, Adam shook his head as he shifted his weight against the door frame. "It's 'How long were you standing there'? and 'Pa wouldn't like it if he knew you were eavesdropping."

Hoss shoved his plump hands into his trouser pockets. "Dadgummit, Adam!" he shouted. "I wasn't the one doin' the evedroppin', you was!"

"Hoss," Adam sighed, "it's not . . . oh, never mind! The point I'm trying to make is that you wouldn't be mucking the barn for the next month . . ."

"All by myself!" Hoss interrupted, his young voice cracking.

". . . all by yourself," Adam conceded, "if you hadn't gotten involved with Josh and Jeremy Austin in the first place!"

Hoss swayed to and fro, his eyes downcast as he tried to avoid his brother's gaze. "I know, Adam. I know," Hoss grumbled. "But how was I s'posed ta know they was gonna spook Mr. Reynolds' horses 'n' cause all that fuss at the Founder's Day gatherin'?"

Adam gave a gentle push with his shoulder against the barn door frame, unfolded his arms, and uncrossed his ankles. He sauntered across the barn, stopping several feet from his younger brother.

Hoss raised his eyes and tilted his head upward, his chubby fingers tucked deep in his pockets, clenching against his palms. He waited patiently, glaring up at his towering big brother.

"Hoss," Adam said, his shoulders slumped in disappointment, "what did you think was going to happen? You went into the corral with Josh and Jeremy, knowing they had stolen firecrackers in their pockets!"

Hoss yanked his hands free of his pockets and thrust his fists against his hips. "Now, hold on there, Adam!" Hoss growled. "I knew they had firecrackers, but I didn't know they was stolen!"

Adam mirrored Hoss's stance. "Alright, I'll give you that one. Pa has taught you that stealing is wrong, but what did you think those two were going to do with the fireworks?"

Hoss widened his stance, puffed up his chest, and furrowed his brow. "I thought . . . I mean, I was sure they was . . . Aw, dadburnit, Adam, I jist didn't think!"

Feeling a sudden sympathetic connection to his father, Adam searched his heart for the best way to help his younger brother. "Hoss," Adam said, his soothing voice accompanied by a strong hand on Hoss's shoulder, "let's sit down."

With their legs crossed and their backs leaning against Buck's stall, Adam and Hoss each picked up a handful of therapeutic straw and fiddled with the pieces slipping through their fingers.

"Why were you hanging around with the Austin brothers in the first place, Hoss?" Adam asked.

Hoss wrinkled his nose and chewed lightly on his lower lip. "I don't know."

Adam snatched another handful of straw, selected a particularly appealing piece, and peeled thin strands from the shoot. "That's not good enough, Hoss, and you know it."

"Aw, Adam," Hoss said, "you sound jist like Pa."

Adam felt a prideful smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. "And if I was Pa, what would you say next?"

Hoss wiggled uncomfortably, his eyes downcast and his fingers suddenly still. "I guess I'd say I was feelin' kinda, well, lonesome, I guess. So when Josh told me they was lookin' to have some fun 'n' he asked me iff'n I wanted ta go along, well, I guess I jist said I would."

"You were feeling lonesome?" Adam asked.

"Yeah, I guess so," Hoss mumbled.

"This is gonna take some doing!" Adam thought. "When did you start feeling lonely, Hoss?" he asked.

Hoss jumped up, crossed the barn, and gathered the strands hanging from the braids of an unfinished bridle in his hands.

"I asked you a question, Hoss," Adam said, his gentle voice carrying more compassion than discipline.

Facing the grayed barn wall, Hoss whispered, "I reckon I've been feelin' kinda lonesome ever since Mama died."

Adam clamped his eyes shut and sighed. "I've tried to find extra time to spend with you, Hoss. You and Little Joe." Adam's shoulders slumped heavily. "Guess I haven't been doing a very good job."

Hoss threw the strands of leather against the wall and spun to face Adam. "Don't'choo say that, Adam! You've bin doin' all ya can what with helpin' Pa with the ranch 'n' carin' fer Little Joe 'n' takin' me fishin' 'n' teachin' me about some o' that ar-key-tex-sure 'n' stuff! You've bin a real good brother, Adam! Honest!"

Adam was halfway across the barn before he realized he'd even gotten up. Hoss met him halfway and flew into Adam's open arms.

"It's alright, Hoss. It's alright," Adam crooned, longing to lift his growing younger brother into his arms as he'd done so many times before. Instead, Adam dropped to his knees and clung to his sobbing brother.

"I jist wanted ta make some friends so when you go away to that college place, I wouldn't be all alone! That's why I was hangin' around Josh 'n' Jeremy. I know they're ornery little devils, always gittin' inta trouble 'n' such, but I . . . I . . ."

Adam fought to control his amusement. "Ornery little devils?" he thought. "Hoss has been listening to Pa a bit too closely!" Adam pulled Hoss's shoulders back and looked his brother in the eyes. "Hoss, I won't be going to college for a couple more years and when I do, you'll have Little Joe. And you'll still be his big brother just like I'm always going to be your big brother! And I'll write to you often, and I'll be home in the summers and on some of the holidays."

"You promise, Adam?" Hoss asked.

Adam pulled a neck cloth from his trousers pocket and wiped Hoss's drippy nose. "I promise," Adam assured. "Now, can you tell me any reasons why you shouldn't hang around with the Austin brothers anymore?"

Hoss contorted his lips and mouth and circled his eyes as he searched for the answer to his brother's question. After several moments, he focused on Adam's face. "I shouldn't hang around with Josh 'n' Jeremy 'cause they steal 'n' they were mean to Mr. Reynolds' horses 'n' they made the horses break down the corral fence 'n' now I gotta muck the barn all by myself for a whole month!"

Adam bit the insides of his cheeks to keep a grin from creeping across his face. "That's right, Hoss, and . . ."

"Adam," Hoss said, "why do you reckon Josh 'n' Jeremy are ornery little devils?"

Adam sniggered, hiding his amusement with a phony cough. "C'mere, Hoss," Adam said, sitting and pulling his brother onto his lap. "Did you know that Josh and Jeremy don't have a father?"

Hoss shook his head and waited for Adam to continue.

"Their pa left when they were about the same age as Little Joe. They can't even remember their pa. And their mama, well, she's done all she can to raise those two up right, but it isn't easy to raise boys without a pa around. And now that they're older, they don't seem to want to behave no matter what. You know that Josh is always getting into fights at school, and Jeremy doesn't even come to school most of the time. They've stolen lots of times, Hoss; even had to spend a few hours in Sheriff Coffee's jail from time to time! Jeremy's been bragging that he's planning to steal some money and take off and never look back."

Hoss snuggled his head tightly against Adam's chest. "Ya mean he wants ta go away 'n' leave his mama 'n' his brother?"

"That's right, Hoss," Adam said. He planted a gentle kiss on the top of Hoss's head and inhaled deeply, breathing in the sweet scent his little brother's silky hair.

"I ain't never gonna steal, Adam," Hoss promised, "'n' I ain't never gonna wanna leave you 'n' Little Joe 'n' Pa. Oh, 'n' Hop Sing."

Adam smiled, squeezing Hoss in his embrace. "I'm glad to hear that, Hoss."

At the sound of Hop Sing's voice, the boys looked through the open barn door.

"Guess we'd best get washed up and head inside for dinner," Adam said, still clinging to Hoss.

"Yeah, we'd best," Hoss added, nestling closer in Adam's arms. "Adam, I guess mucking the barn all by myself for a whole month ain't so bad after all."

"A month isn't really that long, Hoss," Adam said. "And when it's over, how about you and me go fishing and we'll sleep out overnight and fish again the next day?"

Hoss jumped up from Adam's lap, threw his arms around Adam's neck and shouted, "I love ya, Adam!"

"I love you, too, Hoss."

~ FINIS ~


End file.
